you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
