You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the high leading the old right now
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
