peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
