Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
