So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
