just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
