oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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