im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what day is it and did you see me today?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
