Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
