I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
thus making me awesome and them whores
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
