I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
