Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
