He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize