How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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