You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
