Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
