I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
