Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
