im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
