You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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