Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
