idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
