come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He kissed a someone with a penis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize