Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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