I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am one with the molecules
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize