do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
