Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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