nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
