My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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