she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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