so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
