The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
