Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
