You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
