Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
