my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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