dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
