Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
