I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
