I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how drunk are you?
Several
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
