i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
