I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
