Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
