I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
