He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i came on her dog
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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