But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
