Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
