You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
