my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize