you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize