if you like me you must not know who I am
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
