So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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