The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
