my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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