Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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