i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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