I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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