I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
