no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
