It's Friday. Sex?
I smell stomach acid.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
