Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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