I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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