He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
