then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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