lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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