She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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