at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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