Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
