he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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