i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Randomize
