Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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