This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
