I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
