On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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