Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
