you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
