i think my tv is drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
