So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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