He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Did I show you my penis last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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