Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I need to wash the frat house off of me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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